Obrigado, internet 

You: hello
Stranger: ASL?
You: can you hold on one second? the baby wants to say hello
You: lksf[pds[0
Stranger: what are you talking about?
You: the baby said hello!
Stranger: hahahahahaha...say hi to the baby from me too
You: sorry i am babysitting for my mom's boss
You: ok one second
You: omg! i told the baby and it totally smiled!
You: i think it knows you said hello and is happy
Stranger: hahahaha....i have that effect on people...i make people smile :)
You: uh oh the baby wants to say hi again
You: one sec
Stranger: ok
You: aAHSAUja
Stranger: ok
You: the baby hit caps lock that time!
You: ok ok so whats up
Stranger: nothing much...listening to music
You: what kind of music?
Stranger: bryan adams
You: oh which song?
Stranger: heaven
You: awesome!
You: dang the baby is like in love with this keyboard
You: it wants to type again
You: one sec
Stranger: yeah it is a great song...
You: aadhags wtf man? bryan adams? really? is this 1994? why don't you put on some coolio while you're at it?
You: ashw
You: oh man sorry!
You: the baby gets really judgemental sometimes
You: it's my mom's boss's baby
Stranger: yeah sure...
You: don't listen to it. it doesn't even know what it's talking about
Stranger: and this is addressed to you and not the baby....bryan adams is much better than coolio.....and any other retarded crap that you listen to..
You: ok that's a lot to tell a baby. give me 2 seconds
You: hmm i can't tell for sure but it looks like the baby just gave a tiny middle finger
Stranger: and while you are at it....you can tell the baby about how you are a retarded piece of shit
You: it's fingers are so tiny
Stranger: that's nice...they are the size of your penis
You: uh i can't talk like that to a baby
You: that is inappropriate
Stranger: whatever dickhead
You: i'm sorry but i have to ask you to watch your language
Stranger: oh oh...i am sorry...my dog was typing all of that while i was away!
You: it may be a baby but it can sense when the language is aggressive or vulgar
You: are you for real?
You: a dog can't type dummy!
Stranger: yeah i know...my dog just types stuff...
You: asawa i want to ride your dog like a horsie assqqnsab
You: ok i want you to guess who just wrote that
You: hint: not me
Stranger: i am hoping this is the baby...
You: yeah!
You: are you a woman?
You: you have good intuition
Stranger: because it would be pretty pathetic of you typed....considering how that would probably be the only ride you would ever get
Stranger: no i am a guy....
You: sorry i hope this doesn't sound complicated but when you are talking to me can you say "MR." and when you are talking to the baby say "BABY"?
You: it makes it easier for me
Stranger: ok...MR, you are a retard...
You: excuse me
Stranger: MR., you are a retard
You: but you need to teach your dog the phrase "mentally handicapped"
You: and no, dog. i am not a "retard"
You: retards aren't allowed to watch babies
Stranger: no no....i typed it...not my dog....he just thinks you are a retard...a pathetic retard...he asked me to type this to you...
You: i can't tell if you the human are talking or if your dog is lying to me and tryin to convince me he is you
You: because if it's the latter i am not amused
Stranger: no this is the human....
You: get off the computer dog
You: i want to talk to the man
Stranger: and both human and dog think that you are a dumbass dipshit who doesnt have a life.....
You: ok who is this now?
Stranger: human....
You: and how do you know what the human and the dog think?
Stranger: see....you come up retarded questions like the one you just did above...
Stranger: and thus both my dog and i believe you are a pathetic loser
You: i'm sorry ok now when you are talking to me say "MR." and when you are talking to the baby say "BABY" and when it is the dog talking say "DOG" and when it is the man talking say "JAZZ STANDARD"

Your conversational partner has disconnected.